My Little Brother?

I turn 23 tomorrow. You were 23 when you died.

You taught me so much. You protected me so often. You always made me laugh - except when you were making me cry. I know how much pride you took in being my big brother - and I hope you know how much pride I've always taken in having you as my big brother.

The thought of you frozen in time at 23 --
The thought that I've just about caught up with you--
It makes me feel ill. Physically ill.
It's wrong.
It was never supposed to be like this.

How can it be that, one day, I'll look in the mirror and see an old woman -- and you'll still, forever, have the face of a young man?

I miss you.

Someday I'm gonna be older than you
I've never thought beyond that time
I've never imagined the pictures of that life
For now I will try to live for you and for me
I will try to live with love, with dreams,
and forever with tears

-Tears, X-Japan