I'm at that point where there seems to be no up. I keep spiraling downwards and my efforts to reverse it only make it worse. I think this is a part of what Daddy felt. Complete hopelessness. It's at that point when you just can't keep trying.
I need someone to listen to me, and not be afraid of what I tell them. I think that was what was so comforting about A*** and C********. They never treated me with fear. They never tried to rush my words so they could escape from the discomfort.
And they made eye contact.
That's one of the worst: when I bring out a very vulnerable part of myself and people drop their gaze. It makes me feel so rejected. Like when R**** rejected me and avoided eye contact for months. I feel that now with everyone.