Monday, November 28, 2011

Hurry Up and Wait

I'm in such a hurry to live.

I'm always told "you're only 22", "you're so young", "you have your whole life yet".

I'm so young...and already so aware of my mortality.

Maybe it's foolish to already be thinking about marriage, kids, and buying a home. Maybe it's silly to already be despairing about not knowing what career path I want to take. But maybe not. Maybe I really do only have a handful of years left and I need to get started on my life. Or maybe the best way to live a long life is as if it's short, and stuff into it everything you possibly can.

My brother died at 23 - which will be my age only a few months from now. And whatever people want to say about the context and conditions of his death, the bottom line is that he died at 23 -- and he absolutely never expected to die at 23. If he'd known his time was limited like that, would his short life have been different? I wonder if that time pressure would have pushed him to get control of his OCD; or if it would have heightened his already unimaginable anxiety? Maybe his life would have been worse if he'd known. But maybe he would have accomplished things in his life that only a looming deadline can ensure.

I neither want to nor will die at 23. But does that mean I should live my life like I have all the time in the world? Or am I right in wanting my goals to be reached in as little time as possible?


Anonymous said...

I think you have every right to want to achieve your goals when you want to achieve them, whether it be now, or later. I too want those things, and I've begun to try and make them happen for myself, no matter what people say, you're never too old, or too young, to do what you want in life, cause hey, it's yours to being with.

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