Looming Convocation

I am trying so hard to be proud of myself, and to celebrate my accomplishments.

But I keep failing to understand what exactly I should celebrate when in these last four years I've lost so much more than I've gained.

I had a year and a half of the "undergraduate experience," and the rest of the time was spent in mourning. I resent that so much. I resent this institution for being the place I found out they died. I resent my peers for achieving the same degree as me under far more favourable circumstances. I resent my registar for sending me congratulatory e-mails. I resent the fact that I'm graduating with a GPA .01 away from high distinction - in other words, if life hadn't decided to kick me in the proverbial balls, I would probably have a 4.0 with a ton of extracurriculars to put on my resume.

I think what hurts the most is that, when I get up on that stage, only two people in that room will know what I struggled through to get there. Only two.